So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
