worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
