K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My feet surprised me
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