Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
