The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
