You're my little dorito
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
