you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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