Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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