I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
