I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
