I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
