there's paper in my vomit.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
