one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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