OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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