Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
