The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
