Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
