all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dicks are not precious.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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