There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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