At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
