apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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