I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
