Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
