yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
