tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
