We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Two words: blizzard sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
