i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
