I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
