On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
