that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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