College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
