did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
