well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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