I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
