i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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