well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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