I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
