Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
