OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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