the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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