so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
