I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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