Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
handjob tips. give me some.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want nice things and good sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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