I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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