Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
