I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
