u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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