Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
