Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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