It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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