I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
