i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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