Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
