I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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