He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
