He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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