I just made out with a guy for $7.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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