He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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