Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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