I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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