I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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