If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
