Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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