I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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