my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize