Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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